2015/01/02

Last 365 days

I'm one of those persons who don't see New year's eve very special. It's here every year just like every month is once a year you know? I see New year's eve as a sign to stop for a second and think about how I've spent my last 365 days. Have I learned something? Have I accomplished something? How did this period of time go? 

Also I'm one of those persons who repeats after every year how "last year was the shittiest ever and next is going to be the most amazing year ever". But now, first time in my life I can say that last year was the best year I've experienced. Of course there were some little complications, days that weren't so good, there were also very horrible days, there were even days which I thought that'd be the last days. But when I think about 2014, I see mostly good things like how many amazing people I've met, how lovely things I have experienced, how big things I've done, how much fun I've had and how many things I've learned. 

I don't see any big point which had changed anything like every year before. There were always some big changes, steps, or decisions. Always there has been situations where I've had to risk everything I have or everything I am. But last year I walked  my path feeling more safe than ever. I've felt depressed, anxious, lonely, scared, stressed, tired and lost, but also I've felt happy, successful, stronger, safer and being able to do anything. And these good feelings I've gotten - have been stronger than before. I have survived this year alive and still I have accomplished things, I've done so much, so much I couldn't ever imagine that someday I would do! (Is that even a proper sentence? idk) Of course still I don't feel complete. I'm still not an adult, or still I have no idea who I am. Everyday I've learned something new about myself. And I think I still have a lot of  time to figure out the rest!


This year I also learned that everything in my life depends on me. I've been that kind of idiot who always complains how I don't have money or time or what else to do some great things others do. Yes, I am a student and I don't go to work at the same time I'm studying so of course I'm not very rich. And I haven't become any richer, but still I've done huge amount of things that cost money or time. I just needed to stop complaining and whining, and start to make things possible to happen. Like in 2013 I was at one festival but that's kinda it, but last year I was at Cosvision, Desucon Frostbite, Desucon, Tracon, Hollywood Undead concert, Asking Alexandria concert, Helsinki Pride, London, Karjurock, and oh dear where else?! (I also travelled to other cities like Hanko, Tammisaari, Nousiainen, Pori....) Then I were at many places and happenings too which didn't cost money at all! I got a lot of experiences and memories in 2014!


This year my look has changed like... everyday. But that's also one thing I've learned! If I have the ability to change my look everyday or when I like, why not to do it then? It's okay to use your imagination and making sure that you wont get bored of your style, right? (And this collage includes like only a half  of my looks last year??) My self-esteem is also a bit better than a year ago. Or I'd say i have ''healthier'' image of myself and my appearance, even tho' I still need to work a lot to being able to not hate myself so much.


But if I still hated myself, there are people who I truly love! I have amazing friends around me, even I'm very difficult personality, they do a lot to understand me. I could ever thank you enough for all the love and support what I've gotten from my friends and their families. I suppose that you all know that I love you and I'm always truly grateful, but I just can't ever tell it enough!


And then my year about cosplay! Some of you may know, that I did my first cosplays at 2008-2009, but stopped the hobby very quick (almost right away) and had a long pause from it. Somehow at start of 2014, it popped into my head just out of nowhere: ''I would seriously cosplay someone again, and like... seriously". I hadn't even visited conventions since 2009 anymore (I had a wild conlife in the 2008-2009 you know haha oh gosh) and suddenly we decided to go to Desucon Frostbite. I wanted to make some cosplay for there but I had no idea what it would be, so I just didn't make any cosplay bc there even wasn't enough time.

So, at the convention I remembered how amazing it is to be there, I loved being at the con just like back then but I also was a little sad that I didn't make any cosplay for that event. Right after the weekend was over and I was at home, I started thinking who I would cosplay, and somehow I started right away making Ciel Phantomhive's costume. When I was making it I also decided that I'm going to do Levi cosplay someday too. And that happened very soon!

Before I even had been at Desucon Frostbite '14, I had dreamed of doing some difficult armor cosplay someday, and sometimes I found myself exploring Aion online's armor-types and stuff. One night I saved every kind of pics of that one costume I thought that I might be able to make someday when I'm talented enough. Suddenly my grandma got so excited about my cosplaying, that she offered to buy me fabrics for some costume, and I didn't have any idea what I was really going to make next so I don't know how but I ended up getting the fabrics for that Aion costume. I did start making it, but as you know, it has finally got some progress in last months (btw it is ALMOST READY)

But yeah, then suddenly I started getting ideas and ideas and progress about everything linked to cosplay. I came to the point when I realized that yes, this is my hobby again. Although I made 4 costumes last year, there's gonna be still more about them in future - BUT ALSO I'm going to get done manymany costumes in 2015!

Wow, I made a long post - you can give yourself thumbs up if you really did read it to the end! And then...
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015 TO YOU ALL ♥
......................And don't mind the current layout, its kind of... a work in progress.


2 comments :

  1. You shouldn't hate yourself, you're really pretty and every time I see a pic of you I want to color my hair into some crazy color! XD You're inspiring haha!
    I'm really happy to hear you got back into cosplay, it's so much fun! I hope we get to meet at some con in the future! :'D

    http://valkoinensamurai.blogspot.com/

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    1. thank you ;_; ♥ haha go and dye your hair into some crazy color! :D I'm sure we will meet :)

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